[I'm supposed to be writing down my anxieties so that I can think straight (and sleep). I was going to make a mildly humorous quiz about acceptable behavior as a human being (to deflect, and sound less whiny), and then I started adding old stuff that people did that, let's face it, I am still pretty pissed about when it does come up. And then I still felt whiny so I stopped listing things and just started analyzing myself again. ...which is kind of the opposite of the point.]
Like Meg McBlogger, I have a problem with grudges. I'm not proud of the fact, but it will probably never change. However, also like Meg, who follows her own patented Make it Right Theory, if some form of recompense occurs (in the form of an apology), the grudge will fade. I can continue to be upset about the events that transpired, but as long as I know you understand why I was upset, I will get over it.*
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to tell what "angry" is with me until you've actually seen it. There's tired, frustrated, stressed, irritated, just generally pissy, and then there is legitimate, directed anger. They're all basically the same in that I want to be left alone. If I'm actually angry with someone, I have to be completely sure that whatever happened was not okay by conventional standards.
It's hard to tell the difference in a lot of my moods, especially who or what they are directed at or caused by, I know. But rest assured, if I am really, really pissed, you will know. About one (resolved) incident, my brother said, "I hope you were cold, because when you're cold, you're cold."
I felt like a badass.
PS Except mostly it just means I pretend you don't exist.
It's like being demoted below stranger status.
Dishonorably discharged from mah life. BAM.
That's what I'm going to call it from now on. A dishonorable discharge.
PPS I put too much vanilla in my cookie dough and now it smells like booze.