In an attempt to be positive I've started a few creative projects to either 1. make people smile, or 2. help/encourage people. I've been brainstorming on things that do either of those.
The thing is, what prompted me to do this was the thought that I never do anything for anyone else (implied: because I'm a horrid selfish narcissistic bitch of a girl who never follows through and ruins everything for everyone with my bad attitude and worse life skills).
I started thinking more about that.
And then I realized it was B.S.
I do lots of things for people!
I do also tend to complain about a lot, and get upset and confused about things in general, which sometimes spoils the good things I do, but that initial intention is there, and is usually followed through on (which is the thing that surprised me when I realized it). The afterward is where the niceness tends to go away, but that is another issue (called disillusionment)(...and debatably "too high" moral and civil standards...very debatably).
Point being, I need to give myself more credit. I also need to learn to do the right/nice things without necessarily expecting the reward of other people doing the same in return, or having the same idea of what "nice" or "right" is. Or a thank you.
So I'm giving myself credit for all the good things I did today, and for being the me I want to be (which happens far less than I'd like to admit). I'm trying to forget the things I did or thought today that made me less than proud, and I'm trying to convince myself that "not being amazingly perfect, amiable, and entertaining at all times" does not fall under the category of "things I'm allowed to beat myself up over." To be honest, I'm still not convinced of that, but the list is pretty long, so maybe I can just pretend I don't see it on there for a while.